T-Shirt Tissues and Other Issues

Other Issues:

My students came in today, took their seats, and began silently working on their Do Nows like they have every morning since August.  Usually, at this point in the morning, Mr. Black is helping make copies, I am checking student progress, and Mr. Duyan is awkwardly pacing in the back of the room, often facing the corner (no joke.)  Today, however, Mr. Duyan decided to put himself to use... straightening the desks... while the kids were in them... trying to do their work... (Take a second to picture it.  You won't be sorry.)

This is when I began to notice that every single one of my students is sick right now.

T-Shirt Tissues:

When my students sneeze, they blow snot EVERYWHERE.  It is absolutely incredible.  It's not just a little snot bubble.  We're talking full snot fountains.  I've never seen anything like it...

...So, after watching my kids sneeze all morning and imagining the snot slip-and-slide that would be my room by the end of the day, I decided to address the issue.  Now, I have yet to figure out what they're doing differently that causes them to blow their snot all over the place rather than keep it in their heads like "normal" people do, so I decided to approach the matter from the "how to deal with it" angle:
1)  If you feel a sneeze coming, get a tissue and sneeze into the tissue
2)  If you can't get a tissue fast enough, sneeze into your hands, but then don't touch anything or show anyone until you get a tissue and wash your hands

Here's where Mr. Duyan decided he had some authority on the matter:

-Mr. Duyan:  "No no.  They need to be sneezing into their shoulders." (*GOD!  DUH!*)

-Ms. Cole (thinking - *Have you seen them sneeze?!?!  They blow snot EVERYWHERE! You're going to tell them to sneeze into their CLOTHING?!  Are you freaking JOKING?!*):  "I'm gonna go ahead and nix that strategy.  Let's stick with tissue or hands."

-Mr. Duyan:  "I really have to insist.  Sneezing into your shoulder is the more anatomically correct methodology."

(*Really... there's an anatomically correct way to sneeze?!  Really?!*)

-Ms. Cole (Calling Mr. Duyan over to the side of the classroom and whispering):  "So, if they sneeze into their hands, they can wash them.  If they sneeze into their sleeves, they are going to have snot all over their sleeves all day." (*And P.S. If you EVER use valuable class time in order to argue with me again, I swear to god I will tell Jon to hide your friggin car keys!*)

By the way, if anyone has suggestions on how to teach sneezing without projectile snotting, I would really appreciate it!